and i believe it will do same to you.
if your man is withdrawing and
the affection and attention you used to get from
him is gone, I know how desperate and frightening
that can feel.And it doesn't have to be that way. I saved my
own marriage from what felt to me like the "end,"
and it happened so fast I was shocked - you can
quickly learn how to save your own relationship
using the Tools I developed for myself and my
clients.
My Modern Siren program is so unique...you'll bejust amazed at how easy and FUN it is to do the
"Siren" Tools...and how incredibly powerful they
work to turn things around for you FAST.
Dear friend,
If you're experiencing that awful, stomach
churning feeling of dread from the moment you
wake up in the morning because your man is
withdrawing and going cold, you're not alone.
I thought my marriage was "done for" - there
was no sex, no affection, only anxiety and fear
and anger and sleepless nights, and not one thing
I'd done, not one friend or therapist had helped
me.
When I figured out how to turn it around, I
was so amazed, I almost didn't know how to react.
Things had been so bad for so long I felt
hopeless, and here my husband was, laughing,
kissing me - as though nothing had ever been a
problem!
The trial-and-error I worked through to bring
my relationship back from the dead was all about
ME.
I'd been thinking everything was all HIS fault,
and I just didn't know how to communicate to him
so that he'd change - BUT THAT WASN'T IT AT ALL.
And then, once I realized how much I'd
contributed to the mess our marriage was in, I
beat myself up and made things even worse.
Here's a letter from Miranda, whose marriage
has gotten so bad, she doesn't know where to turn.
Let's put together a plan for her, and use that
plan to help you, too, in almost any relationship
situation you're in right now - married or just
at the beginning and "hoping" for commitment:
"Dear Rori,
My relationship is in trouble. My husband says
I've "neglected his sexual needs," and focused on
the wrong things he was doing, and now he has
totally withdrawn from me. He doesn't even want
to be around me. He has even started talking
about divorce. What do I do to win him back? We
sleep in separate bedrooms but I still love him.
Help please, Miranda"
***I'll write this answer straight to Miranda,
and then we'll work though the Tools in this 4
Step plan:
Dear Miranda, If you want to, you can save
this.
And after we make the changes that will bring
him closer to you...YOU'LL be the one who has the
OPTION to "save" this and keep your man...or not!
From your letter, I hear that you've realized
what work you need to do to turn this around, and
all you need is a place to start.
It would be really, really easy for me or any
relationship "expert" out there to just say - Oh,
well - instead of neglecting his sexual needs, be
available to him sexually, and instead of making
him wrong, appreciate him.
But I know what a huge, major, seemingly
impossible leap that is.
And maybe YOU have reasons -- good reasons --
for not wanting to be that close to him.
Perhaps he's not been good to you, perhaps
he's "Toxic" -- so let's explore all of this.
To start, Miranda, instead of just looking at
what you feel you did "wrong" - let's try and
figure out some of the why and how it happened
like that for you.
The first thing I'm going to ask you to do is
STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.
Just plain, flat-out, REFUSE to let that Nasty
Voice in your head turn YOU against YOURSELF!
Don't let it make you FEEL BAD about yourself.
Let the Nasty Voice scream - let it yell at
you, let it stomp its feet like a little kid, let
it make you laugh, let it make you want to
EMBRACE it and LOVE that voice, no matter how
nasty it sounds, as though it were a tiny child.
Just simply - to state this crucial thing again -
do NOT let it make you FEEL BAD. Do not let it
turn YOU against YOURSELF.
You're going to need every bit of faith in
yourself and belief in yourself and GOOD feelings
you can feel to turn this around - and I KNOW you
can do it.
WE DON'T JUST "TURN OFF" OF A MAN.
We don't just start "neglecting" him on a whim.
My guess is that you were (and still ARE)
feeling angry.
We stop having sex with a man when we start
feeling UNSAFE.
We stop having sex with a man (or at least
WANTING to have sex with a man - most of us
continue to go through the motions no matter what)
when WE feel UNLOVED in some way.
When resentments build up, EVERYONE starts
acting weird.
Hidden anger comes out in all sorts of awful
ways.
For men, anger often shows up as criticism and
withdrawal.
He gets mean, but makes what he says seem
reasonable (I mean EVERY complaint has a small
bit of truth to it, or we wouldn't feel so bad
when we hear it).
If our man said to us that we FLY in an awkward
way - we wouldn't be offended, we'd just look at
him like he was crazy.
But if he says we "don't do that right", we
add our own feelings of insecurity to what he
says and instantly feel terrible and - ANGRY.
There is no way when someone puts you down -
especially when they do it in a subtle, sort of
underhanded and indirect way - not to feel it.
(Unless, of course, you're an enlightened
"guru" and have truly mastered the whole
fantastic thing of not taking ANYTHING personally
- and though, with my Tools, we're working on
getting there, hardly any of us have actually
arrived at that place just yet - especially when
the challenging words are coming from our man...
And even then - even if you're an enlightened
guru and don't take anything personally - at
FIRST - the first reaction you'll have will come
from such a deep, old place in you - you'll still
FEEL and EXPERIENCE the pain of the criticism.
It's what you do AFTER you FEEL the pain that
makes you a "guru"...)
So Miranda - my guess is that he did or didn't
do or said or didn't say things that upset you on
a deep level and made YOU withdraw.
And while you were experiencing the pain of
what he was doing and not doing and saying and
not saying, your anger came out towards HIM in
weird ways, too.
What most of us do is - on our way to shutting
down (which is what you did by "neglecting" his
sexual needs - or perhaps "protecting" your own
heart) - is make HIM feel UNSAFE.
So, there you are - both of you - wanting
connection and love, and yet feeling UNSAFE.
So - the place for you to start, Miranda, is
to start this moment CREATING SAFETY for BOTH of
you.
Here's how:
STEP 1: Become aware of everything you say and
everything you do, and especially everything you
FEEL.
Write it all down.
This is like a "Food" journal when you're
trying to find out if you have food allergies -
you write down everything you eat, and then the
symptoms you experienced after you ate what you
ate.
Here, you write down your thoughts, your
feelings, what you say or do when those thoughts
and feelings come up, and what happened.
STEP 2: Catch yourself saying and doing things
that would make YOU feel UNSAFE if HE said or did
those things.
Here's where my 4 Rules are absolutely
essential. They're part of the foundation, along
with Feeling Messages, for all of my programs.
After this eletter, you're going to want to
learn more about how to do the 4 Rules, what the
next step is, and the detailed, specific HOW-TO
of all my Tools for your specific situation.
You can find the answers on my online catalog
page.
There, you can find out which of my programs
would be the perfect start for you to get the
help you need - so go here right now:
http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Catalog/
We all know that men are often even MORE
sensitive than we are.
They just don't show it.
Instead, they bottle everything up and just
withdraw from us.
And going after them and asking them to be
nicer or to open up, their feelings will NEVER
work.
It's just not going to happen - men don't work
that way.
What works is for us to simply BECOME a SAFE
PLACE - and they'll automatically feel COMPELLED
to open up!
This means - most importantly - a safe place
for YOU - inside yourself - so that you believe
in yourself, in your feminine power, in your
ability to take care of yourself. So that YOU
trust YOU with YOU!!
When we trust ourselves, when we feel strong
enough inside to feel our own feelings, and share
them with our men...we become a safe place for
the whole world!!!
And to make it work for you, Miranda, you
don't have to be perfect.
You don't have to get it exactly right.
For Step 2, you just have to STOP DOING AND
SAYING UNSAFE THINGS - and anything that
criticizes, judges, suggests alternatives to his
ideas, or makes either you or him WRONG in any
way.
Making him wrong will make him feel unsafe and
withdraw, and making yourself wrong will make you
want to "shut down."
And, since that's the exact opposite of the
OPENNESS and TRUST you truly want in your
relationship...just stopping doing this will make
a HUGE difference for you almost immediately.
STEP 3: Open up YOURSELF.
This is, without a doubt, the most challenging
step for us all.
Especially in a situation where you don't feel
safe enough to be intimate - and that's where
you're at right now, Miranda.
So, how do you start?
In the hours and hours and Tool upon Tool that
you get in my programs, I help you with this.
I help you deal with your emotions, to work
through your old patterns of thinking and
behaviors that make you feel bad instead of good,
and start feeling better so fast that you'll find
it EASY to begin to open up in my baby-step method.
For now, just the steps of becoming aware of
your feelings and writing them down will help you
terrifically to get this turnaround started.
Now - get out what you've written - look at the
feelings and thoughts and events in your journal.
See if you can find a common theme - anger,
pain, fear - and see if you can find what
SITUATIONS with your man bring up those feelings.
Now (and this is how you do Feeling Messages) -
start to write down ways to express those feelings
in words.
It can be as simple as - "I feel so bad at the
place our marriage is in."
Once you've started writing down those words,
start CATCHING yourself when you're stuffing your
feelings down or criticizing him, or being angry,
or even overly nice, and start SAYING some of the
Feeling Messages you've written down.
You could start with something as simple as "I
feel lost." Or "I feel bad."
Sometimes we've been disconnected from our own
feelings for so long, we don't know WHAT it is
we're feeling or even how to express it.
For extra help with understanding how allowing
YOURSELF to feel and share your OWN feelings will
AUTOMATICALLY create more attraction in your
relationship...and to learn brand new Tools that
will help you actually make this happen - almost
instantly - take a look at my Modern Siren
program.
In Modern Siren, I'll lead you through
incredible exercises and demonstrations where
you'll "get" how to access your true feelings
(without just finding opinions or passing
criticism or judgment on yourself or him).
It's right here, so take a look:
http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ModernSiren/
Siren is just an amazing program - the concept
and ideas are so new and fresh and FUN - and easy
to do - and they WORK!!
Let me know how Modern Siren works for you.
STEP 4: BE PREPARED FOR HIS ANGER.
The first thing you want to happen, the thing
that will let you know that your relationship is
starting to heal - is when all the feelings
you've BOTH been stuffing down start to come out.
And - because you've been going through these
Rori Raye steps, you may have started the ball
rolling with simple, easy for him to hear,
engaging, non-attacking "I feel" statements.
But that doesn't mean HE knows how to do it!
His way of getting his anger unstuffed may be
quite scary.
Instead of withdrawing from you quietly and
"not wanting to be around" you - he may turn to
you and "let you have it."
He may attack you verbally, and all his
complaints may come out in a rush.
What I want you to do if this happens is to,
in your mind, jump up and down and scream
"Hurray!"because you've just started the HEALING
PROCESS.
This won't work, however, if you try to get
things going by attacking HIM verbally - because
what you'll get is a fight, which will get you
nowhere, or more withdrawal, which will also get
you nowhere.
What will work is for him to "open up" and let
his anger and his complaints fly, and for you to
just stand there and listen - WITHOUT taking any
kind of "attack" from him - and so...
...the next steps are all about how to
handle his emotions and your emotions while
you're listening to him...
HOW TO STAND YOUR GROUND, and HOW TO CREATE
SAFETY FOR YOURSELF while this transition is
happening.
You can find more about this in my "Toxic Men"
program - it will help you regain your inner
strength and express yourself in an authentic,
open, POWERFUL way to your man - a way that will
bring him CLOSER instead of making him withdraw
more.
"Toxic" is about how to create a safe place
for yourself inside of a difficult relationship,
and by doing so, change the way your man relates
to you. It's also about learning how to stay true
to your boundaries and step-by-step instructions
on how to handle tension and difficult
conversations.
Because Toxic Men is a 6 hour, unbelievably
jam-packed program, for this letter, I'll focus
on just a small part of what to do when your man
cuts loose emotionally.
If you can stand still, hold yourself, hug
yourself, back up if he starts attacking instead
of fighting back, leave if it gets nasty instead
of fighting, cry instead of scream, open up
instead of fold up, and use the strength of your
love for yourself - and for HIM, too, to stay
open - Miranda, you can get through the first
round of this.
And what happens then?
In every client I've ever worked with - almost
instantly, as soon as a man feels safe to express
his anger (as long as he doesn't attack verbally
or physically, and you stand your ground so that
he KNOWS you're NOT a "punching bag") - HE'LL DO
A 180.
All of a sudden, he'll feel affectionate
toward you.
All of a sudden, he'll get his sense of humor
back.
And all you have to do is keep all these steps
going so that you don't slide back in to the
"making him wrong" behavior.
He will feel heard.
And then, amazingly enough - he'll be able to
hear YOU!
By using Feeling Messages and opening yourself
up, he will already be beginning to hear you -
perhaps for the FIRST TIME.
Men can turn around on a dime.
It's US that have to be consistent, steadfastand keep to the plan - and the plan is to feel
good inside ourselves, to PRACTICE feeling good
inside ourselves, and then letting those good
feelings transform the entire relationship - and
HIM along with it.
It all starts with YOU, and your emotions. To
really learn exactly HOW to USE your emotions to
create incredible attraction and solidify any
relationship, you'll want to check out my Modern
Siren program. Siren will just blow you (and him)
away...with the simplicity of it's life-changing
Tools and the FUN of finally doing easy things
that actually WORK! Take a look at Modern Siren
right here:
http://www.emmaio.page.tl/the secret.htm
Miranda has all the hope in the world - and so
do YOU!
If you're in a similar situation and want to
bring your man BACK, or you've experienced a man
withdrawing before and don't want it to happen
again, try these steps, and be sure to let me
know how they work for you.
Love, Rori
P.S. If you'd like to send me a comment, a
question, a problem for me to work with in these
e-letters, or a Success Story -- please e-mail me
at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com, or even
better - talk with me on my blog at:
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com
If you've already downloaded my Have The
Relationship You Want e-book, work through it. It
will help you so much by explaining and walking
you through the Rori Raye Basics so these
eLetters will help you EVEN MORE. Every one of my
programs is absolutely guaranteed, so there's
never any risk for you - just follow or copy and
paste this link to try out Have The Relationship
You Want eBook:
http://www.behinddfalse.blogspot.co
I know this will help you quickly, easily - and
you'll be as shocked at your results as I was
when my marriage turned around.
YOUR LOVE LIFE CHALLENGE
Hi, Emmanuel, if your love life is not going
the way you want -- if the man you're with is
making you unhappy and frustrated, or if you're
between relationships or even totally dreading
dating -- there are some simple things you can do
to make everything better very quickly.
they're ways to heal your heart, change the
patterns in your relationships that aren't
working, and get you almost instantly connected
with a man.
My Modern Siren program will take you to a whole
new place -- where you experience yourself for the
amazing woman you are. You'll learn incredible
Tools to discover and express your true essence to
any man - and with complete, awesome, irresistible
vulnerability. A relationship is all about
ATTRACTION -- and Modern Siren will bring out the
Siren you really are inside, to create instant and
powerful attraction all around you. Just go here
to take a look at "Siren":click here for more.
http://wwwbehinddfalse.blogspot.com
Dear Friends,
If you're finding yourself sitting across the
table from a man you've been with a long time, or
a man you just met, and not knowing how to put
into words what you feel, learning HOW to do this
will change your life -- overnight.
This is not an outrageous claim -- I've seen it
happen over and over again.
If you, like most of us, think your best
qualities lie in your brains, in your
intelligence, in your ability to organize and
manage, your ability to think things through and
be reasonable, your ability to CONTRIBUTE to a
conversation with a man or CONTRIBUTE to a
relationship with a man -- this Tool will change
your life.
Relationships are not about "contributions."
They are not about joining forces with a man
based on abilities.
Relationships are not "arranged" because of
what a man looks like "on paper."
Love doesn't work that way.
If, when you've gone to dinner and a movie with
a man, and are discussing it afterwards over
coffee -- you feel the need to contribute to the
conversation with everything you know about film
and food, no matter how connected you may feel
because of what you have in common or how much fun
you've had talking, the truth is that you may not
have really had any kind of connection at all!
How can this be?
Because you cannot connect to a man through
your brain. He may be interested in, turned on by,
excited by, and enjoy your brain power and
intellect and opinions, but it will not get him
past the "friendly feeling" place in his heart.
So, if you're the kind of woman -- like I was
-- who values yourself mostly for what you can
contribute to a conversation, you want to start
practicing doing the exact opposite.
And that exact opposite is in SHARING YOU'RE
FEELING STATE.
And you do this through my basic, essential,
crucial tool called Feeling Messages.
And I want this tool today to go even deeper
than the basics of Feeling Messages.
I want to dig deeper and turn your focus from
valuing "contribution," to valuing POETRY. The
poetry of you. The poetry of your feelings.
I spoke with a client yesterday who was feeling
frustrated. She told me that as she was using
Feeling Messages, men were looking at her as
though they were getting bored. One even said that
she was "repeating herself."
So I asked her for some examples -- and what we
did was role-play. I pretended to be a man she was
having a conversation with, and she was herself,
responding to me.
And what we discovered is that she has been so
much in her brain her whole life, she only has one
or two feelings to work with!.
In other words, all she could really say to
anything a man said was "I feel good." Or "That
feels good."
So she WAS repeating herself! Here's what we
did to fix that:
First, I asked her to read some poetry books --
by Erica Jong (one of my favorite writers), or by
any female poet she could find standing in the
bookstore or the library.
And next, I asked her to start writing her own
poetry in this way:
1. Stand still and look around you, touch an
object, a look at an object, and ask yourself how
it feels to be where you are.
2. If you're stuck, like my client was, you may
come up with... nothing. You may find yourself
searching around for a feeling.
And then you may substitute it for something
you THINK. That could look like "This room is
messy" or "That's a really good book."
Can you see that this is a description, or an
opinion, or a statement? And not all a SHARING of
your feelings?
This is "contributing" your THOUGHTS to a
conversation.
To share your feeling state, and get connected
to a man much more quickly -- you might simply say
"It feels good in here."
But we want to go deeper. So you don't find
yourself repeating yourself over and over. (Even
though, at the beginning, as you're learning to
use Feeling Messages, repeating yourself is a GOOD
start!)
So let's start from here and dig deeper:
3. Now you are going to start asking yourself
questions -- the same questions -- over and over
and over again. Ask:
>> What feels good about this?
If you feel stuck for an answer, try for a
sensation or a body feeling -- like "I feel warm
in here. My arm feels warm... "
Put your hand on your tummy and just go for a
deeper feeling that comes to you -- it could be "I
feel calm in here." Or "That book makes me feel
happy." Or "I feel soothed."
Now, we're getting into poetry! And you're
going to keep asking...
>> What does calm feel like? Or what does
soothing feel like?
Now we're starting to sink down past your
brain. It's hard to "figure out" what calm or
soothing feels like. You have to just kind of
"feel" it.
You might come up with something like it feels
"even." Or, "It feels relaxing. It feels warm. It
feels like water." Now, keep on asking...
>> What does "even" feel like? What feels good
about water? What does water feel like?
Can you feel how you're digging deeper and
deeper? Can you feel how this is starting to feel
like poetry instead of thinking?
Just keep going with this. Practice it at home.
Practice it when you're Circular Dating. That's
what Circular Dating is for!
Circular Dating is about practicing the Tools
you learn from these newsletters and my programs
on the men you see every day. It could be your co-
worker, your mechanic, your neighbor.
When you begin to do these Feeling Messages on
men you just run into, then it will be much easier
to do it on men you meet for coffee or a longer
date. You'll feel more "in your skin," more
grounded, and less anxious. The man you're with
will instantly sense a different "Vibe" about you.
He will feel intrigued and compelled to be
with you, and he won't understand WHY.
My "Targeting Mr. Right" program can help you
formulate a PLAN for taking all these Tools out
into the real world with real men.
Whether you're in a relationship now, newly
single, or still haven't even found a man that you
like, you'll want to get a copy of my "Targeting
Mr. Right" program.
It will change your love life -- practically
overnight -- by teaching you not only how to talk
like this -- by actually helping you EXPERIENCE
your feelings so that you can take the next step
of putting those feelings in words in a way that
becomes more and more real and natural and more
and more ATTRACTIVE to any man.
"Targeting" isn't just about practicing Feeling
Messages, it's about the HOW-TO on Circular
Dating. I'll tell you where to go, what to do, how
to manage your time, and what to SAY to a man when
confusing or difficult situations come up around
exclusivity and Circular Dating.
"Targeting" will make all the difference for
you. Even if you are IN a relationship right now
-- Circular Dating will help you and your man
relationship go deeper and deeper to a level where
it will be unbreakable .
Targeting Mr. Right will teach you, walk you
through, demonstrate for you, and give you a
handbook to the way that makes it possible for you
to CONNECT with any man quickly.
A man is not looking for a debate partner, or
someone to interview, or someone to just listen to
him and repeat back what he's saying -- a man is
looking for a heart connection that you can't
describe.
And the only way to create that used to speak
from your heart.
The Tool of Feeling Messages is your baby-step
way to learn to do this.
I know it sounds simple. It sounds like
something we should all be able to do -- but it's
just not true.
We women have all been taught to hide our
feelings. Yes we been told it's more okay for us
to cry than for a man. But the truth is most
people from the moment we were born have tried to
KEEP us from crying!
Think about it. Our tears have almost always
been met with an attempt to stop them,
embarrassment, frustration, and general
negativity. And so we think our feelings are not
valuable. We think our feelings are not a valuable
"contribution" to a conversation.
When in fact, our tears are the quickest way to
connect us to a man's heart. (I'm not talking
about constant tears, constant drama, and
depression... I'm talking about tears of joy,
tears when you feel moved, and tears of sadness.
I'm talking about tears during a movie, or when
you see a picture of a baby animal.)
It takes me 2 seconds to feel moved to tears
when I watch a nature film, and I always,
instinctively want to hold them back.
It's only my work, my Tools, and what I've
learned that enable me to allow them to flow...and
I notice, every time, that's when my husband comes
closer. He touches me, he cuddles me.
Vulnerability is the most erotic, most
attractive, most powerful thing we as women
possess.
So try this step-by-step Tool to deepen your
Feeling Messages and create attraction in
connection so amazingly fast you'll be blown away.
If you already do Circular Dating, or if you
really want a comprehensive course on how to
become more magnetic to a man by being the kind of
soft, feminine, juicy woman that he can't get out
of his mind, get my Modern Siren program.
To learn more, and be walked through some
fabulous new Tools to help you express your inner
Siren by being incredibly strong on your inside so
that you can be totally vulnerable and soft on
your outside -
Let me know how this digging deeper and feeling
more "poetic" with yourself works for you. In
fact, go to my blog at
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com
And send me some of what you've written down!
I'd love to read your poetry of you...
Love, Rori
through Muomah emma
